Resume
My
Address
#12-34
Singapore
1****
*
September 2012
Director
of Human Capital Management
Health
Sciences Authority
11,
Outram Road
Singapore
169078
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am currently a
second-year Applied Chemistry undergraduate at NUS, writing to apply
for an internship as a Scientist of Forensic Chemistry and Physics
Laboratory. For
me, this is a wonderful opportunity to consolidate the skills and
knowledge I have acquired so far and to be a part of the dynamic
team. Furthermore, through
my studies and active participations in various competitions and
co-curricular activities, I believe that I am the suitable candidate
for this position.
Majoring in applied
chemistry has equipped me with various key skills that will be
beneficial in laboratory such as operating FT-IR, UV-vis
spectrometer, and conducting TLC analysis. Moreover, my keen interest
in forensic science has led me to delve deeper into this field beyond the forensic science modules I have taken. Coupled with my
wide exposure to international students in a professional
communication course, I am confident that I have developed strong
oral presentation and interpersonal skills to be a dynamic team
player.
Beyond my academic
involvement, I have been participating actively in various
co-curricular activities. Being a writer of the largest student
publication at NUS and the official publication of Indonesian
Students' Association in Singapore, I have acquired valuable time
management skills to cope with tight deadlines and honed my writing
skills. Furthermore, as a reporter working in a team, I cultivated
strong teamwork and organizational skills.
I
believe that I possess the qualifications and enthusiasm that you are
looking for. I thrive on challenges and I am willing to spend the
time and effort it takes to succeed. Thank you, and I am looking
forward to your reply.
Yours
faithfully,
Teresa
Widodo
1st draft: Revised by Jie Wei
2nd draft: Revised by Eunice - Edited 15/9 2012
3rd draft: Revised by Serene - Edited 16/9 2012
4th draft: Revised by Brad Blackstone - Edited 4/10 2012
5 comments:
Hi Teresa!
You have covered quite a lot of ground! There is good flow between the various skills and experiences. However, you could be more concise, as this is a little too long for a cover letter. Here are some areas of improvement:
1.Avoid repeating words too close to each other: "I am a second year applied Chemistry...AT NUS, writing to apply for...Laboratory. This is for me a wonderful opportunity to consolidate ....to be A PART OF..."
2. Skip introducing what you want to say, and go straight to your message: "Majoring in applied Chemistry has equipped me with various key skills..."
3. Insert your presence into the letter as much as possible: "Moreover, MY keen interest...has led me to research on the necessary... this field beyond Forensic Science modules."
4. Avoid using similar transition words too close to one another: instead of "in addition", use "coupled with", which simultaneously allow you to further engage your presence with the skills you want to highlight. Also, use more powerful phrases which highlight your strengths, and downplay past weaknesses. For example, avoid using "I have MANAGED to", as it suggests that although you have gained some improvements, you have done so with significant difficulties, and thus may currently still be in the process of improving your standards. So, taken together: "Coupled with my wide exposure to international students in a Professional Communications course, I am confident that I have developed strong oral presentation and interpersonal skills to be a dynamic team-player...."
5. Look out for similar points,as they may be misinterpreted as overlapping points. Display your notable editing skills by either presenting different aspects of each point, or choose the more impressive one to include in the letter. Paragraphs 3 and 4 seem to present a similar message: that you possess strong leadership and team-player skills. You can either ascribe a distinctly different skill to each point, or choose to emphasize only paragraph 3 or 4. For example, you can present your role in the NUS Indonesian Association publication together with your role as a reporter, then highlight how these two dynamically enhance your organizational and team-building skills.
Hi Eunice!
Yes, I agree that my cover letter was long-winded. Your response really helps in condensing it. And thank you so much for pointing out the points in your suggestions and providing the corrections. I really appreciate them. :) Have a great weekend!
Hi Teresa!
The structure and organization of your application letter is quite clear. I feel that you have pretty much fulfilled the criteria we have been working on in class.
Here are more suggestions for you:
1) I am currently a second year Applied Chemistry undergraduate at NUS, writing to apply for an internship as a Scientist of Forensic Chemistry and Physics Laboratory --> Instead of using "waiting", how about using words that can better express your enthusiasm?
2) Coupled with my wide exposure to International Students --> international students.
3) I have acquired valuable time management skill to cope with tight deadlines and honed my writing skill --> time management skills. writing skills.
Hi Serene!
Noted with thanks. :) Anyway, I think you misread the first sentence. Have a great weekend!
My bad. That was a mistake on my part. You can just ignore that. :)
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